It's Always Too Early To Tell

I've been feeling that great things are on the horizon for me in 2015, that the plans I was setting in motion were going to come to fruition, and that everything else that seemed to be happening so quickly and unexpectedly was all going to work out for the best. I've been feeling this way for the last few months of 2014. The problem that comes with these feelings, is that nagging "what if it doesn't?" doubt monster who lurks in the dark crevasses of the mind... FUCK YOU DOUBT MONSTER!

It's a fact, that it's always too early to tell if something that seems certain is in actuality going to manifest into reality, and if it does, that it will even last. After all, anything can happen, right? That being life, a lot of unexpected life re-evaluation prompting events did occur in 2014... I lost a troubled, but good friend. The health of my father was in a very concerning state. My mother was devastated by the loss of her boyfriend, a man who was nothing but kind and giving to myself and many people in my life. My brother and sister-in-law were also under tremendous amounts of stress, and almost lost their soon to be born second child. My own health even took a nasty blow as the asthma I once had as a child resurfaced with a vengeance. It was a physically and emotionally taxing year. Through it all, I have tried to remain positive, looking at that life glass and not thinking it was half empty, or half full, but that there was room for more, and that maybe I shouldn't put all of my water into one glass...

I sit here now awaiting a very late response regarding further truck driving training with one of two film companies that said they would very likely have work for me starting in March or April (having acquired my truck - plus additional classifications - driving license, staying ahead on the path with personal goals I set for my life plan), and am simultaneously contemplating the complexities of human behavior with regards to relationships. It seems as though I keep finding myself in situations where people develop expectations of me to be kind and understanding (as is my nature) at their convenience, without consideration of my own feelings. I feel like this pattern is soon to change in 2015 as well, not because I'm going to change who I am, but because I'm really starting to recognize the taker mentality in people, and won't stand for anything less than at least somewhat reciprocal friendship anymore. So there is that, there is the two highly potential job avenues to further my life goals, there is the moving of apartments soon to be taking place that will greatly improve my health and creative spirit, and the improving well-being of family and friends that I am feeling good about for 2015... Yes, it is still all too early to tell, but I am hoping for the best, not just for myself, but for all of you too.

<3

p.s. To my friends that I see frequently, and sometimes only rarely, I fucking love you all.

Paint Yourself A Picture

Imagine if you will, being asked to stand outside every day for a year to paint a picture of the life you wish to have for yourself. If you desire so make it five, or ten years, make it a life time if you feel that what you want will evolve as the world changes around you. Now, let me ask you this... Do you think that the conditions of each day will be ideal for painting? The reality of the matter is that you may be painting a majority of this picture in a storm. This is life. It will almost never be how you see it, but if you keep painting with the wind in your eyes, and grit on your canvas, believing in your heart that what you're putting out there is beautiful, picture after picture, then how it looks in the end doesn't matter, as long as you keeping doing what you're doing with passion.

This is not new to me.

Do you even blog? Why blog? Why THIS BLOG? I had another, and others before it. Why start over? I keep a handwritten journal, and continue to write all sorts of personal shit in that. A lot about life, ideas and plans, but mostly bullshit about women and mother fucking emotions. Should I even be allowed to have a blog? I've had many private journals, where I divulged details from the depths of my delirious mind, where I spend a lot of my time; Safe and unseen thank almighty OM (optional maker)... These days I keep those journals to level out my make-shift bed frame. I've thought about burning some of them, or all of them, maybe along with some other things, because they're just things, and life is easier when you travel light. Right, back to the question, why start over? WHY NOT!? This is going to be a lot like my other blogs, but not. Yes, this blog, why not? If you're here, hear me, don't complain about it, yet... It's a work in progress.